Well, Poo: Update on Cancer Treatment

The radiation oncologist entered our room in a medical halo, looking very uncomfortable and much like an image of Frankenstein. He was healing after suffering an injury to his neck in a swimming pool two weeks ago. "How are you doing?" he asked with genuine care and concern.  "Well, obviously, better than you at this point," I replied as I internally scolded myself for complaining about the rough nights sleeping in a recliner the past 6 weeks. 

He smiled and said, "Yeah, maybe so." Then we got down to business. He reminded me that before surgery, we had discussed the possibility of doing radiation. He had laid out some clear signs that it would be necessary. 

1. Buella (the cancer) had spread to the nodes (CHECK) 
2. Tumor is greater than 2 cm (CHECK)
3. There are cancer cells in the Lymphovascular system (CHECK)
4. There are unclean or close margins from tumor edges to chest wall (<1 mm CHECK)
5. You are premenopausal (CHECK)

Each component increases the odds of local recurrence. So, radiation is warranted five days a week over six weeks. However, we had to see the medical oncologist to discuss the Oncotype and other pathological findings first. If chemotherapy was needed, it had to be completed first before radiation. Thankfully, we found an amazing comprehensive center, so we just had to go down one floor to see our oncologist. They work on appointments to be on the exact date and timeframe, so we can see everyone we need in the same building without having to schedule across multiple days in different areas.                                                                       

The medical oncologist entered the room and asked if I understood the pathology in my report. I explained I had read and thought I understood it. I shared what I had learned while reading through the report, but my doctorate is in education, not medicine, so I would like him to break it down to ensure Gavin and I both fully understood what was happening in my body. He explained that I had indeed grasped it, and then he broke down the Oncotype score. The cancer oncotype was a lower number, but we learned it was not the only determining factor. The aggressiveness of the cancer that has spread into the lymph nodes, the fact that it ate its way through the node barriers, and the highest grade of the tumor were all markers that spoke more about the type of treatment I needed. Chemotherapy is necessary if I desire to have the best chance of eradicating Buella from distant spread.

The oncologist stated, "We have the greatest possibility of eradicating the disease right now. If it comes back, it will be in the bones, liver, and/or lungs, and that would only be treatable, not curable." He explained that my overall survival percentages were in the 80th percentile without chemo and in the 90th percentile range with the toxic treatment.  The treatment he wants to try is a three-month regimen, with four sessions. The small number of sessions means they will try to go through veins instead of a port, so that is one less surgery and recovery I will have to endure. He explained the risks and side effects of the combination of drugs they want to use.

The one thing that stuck out the most was the risk and potential of not only losing my hair, but losing it permanently. One of the drugs is known for this, so he suggested we look into trying coldcap therapy, which helps with the hair loss. It is miserable while doing it, but it can help keep the hair loss to a minimum and may save me from permanent alopecia. Plus, it could help with the tingling in the hands and feet that the drugs sometimes cause. He allowed me to ask questions, and then he and the intern stepped out so we could gather ourselves and schedule for our chemotherapy training class, as he wants to begin treatment this next week.

"Well, poo." I sighed as I turned to give Gavin a teary smile as he gently rubbed my hand. 

"That should be the title of your next blog." He smiled as tears filled his eyes. I nodded and chuckled as the all-too-familiar tears of emotion dripped down my cheeks. 

The rest of the day, I was struggling with what I had read in the research on the two drugs, and I was not sure what I wanted to do. In truth, I do not want to do any of it, but who does? It was raining when we got home, which felt fitting for my current mood. Although the chest wall pain kept me from the weeping and wailing I wanted to do, I allowed myself to sit in the quiet with God, let quiet tears come and go, and laugh with my family. 

I felt like God was showing me all I needed to know about the decision to follow through with the complete treatment plan. The lessons or God winks He showed me this weekend were all about His promises, particularly when we find joy in the rain, laugh in the face of fear, and put on the whole armor of God. 

A rainbow in our yard this weekend, reminding us of God's promise

Find Joy in the Rain

Our grandson, Alastair, chose to run into the rain as the adults all sat sheltered from the droplets falling from the sky. I realized how ridiculous it was that we were not embracing all the joy in his erupting giggles. Adults often miss what little ones see: there is so much joy in the little things. Therefore, I went into the rain, and we blew bubbles, danced, played in the puddles forming, and enjoyed the cool shower during the heat of the day.

Laugh in the Face of Fear

I shared the information I had learned about chemotherapy with my adult children. I shared my fears and concerns about losing my hair. I shared how worried I am about permanent hair loss, and they each told me, "We do not love you for your hair. We would rather have you than your hair." 

Then we turned the discussion into what I could do in the absence of hair. My adult kids were each giving me ideas about wigs, hats, or scarves. I told them I could pick out a spider tattoo instead. The conversation led to a serious fit of giggles and laughter as we each shared the most horrendous and hilarious ideas that I could tattoo on my bald head instead.

Some of my favorites:

• Paint by number tapestry 
• The words, "Hair goes here," or just the word, "Hair" 
• Hair drawn in like little kids draw hair on their drawings in preschool or kindergarten (This happens to be my favorite idea)

(AWBC Law, 2024)

This discussion lightened my load, allowing me to express my fear while also relieving me of the burden of thinking it would be something awful. We would do what we do best, make the best of every situation, and continue to love God and one another through it. So, if you have some great suggestions or ideas for a bald head tattoo, add them to the comments section of the blog!

Put on the Whole Armor of God

As I move into this week, the message at Mosaic Church could not have been better to support us. It is a new series all around the Armor of God. This week, I will be using my belt of truth and spending time focused on my identity in Christ. I am not a cancer patient; I am the daughter of the Great Physician, High King, and Lord of Lords. I can focus on this truth, and this will be who I am as I walk into this week. I need not be afraid of what is coming, because I know I will be in the presence of the Holy One and the Great Comforter. Knowing I will be in an environment with people I am blessed to show love and care to. I get to bring a little more Jesus and light into the dark world of cancer.

Invisible Enemy Mosaic Church GC

I will be doing some more updates as we journey through this process, and I hope you will repost and share, as I know some of my best strength-finding resources right now have been other women of God sharing their stories. Someone in your circle of influence may need to hear it today as well.

I love you all, and I pray that you get to experience the presence of Jesus in your everyday moments this week. May you find joy in the rain, laugh in the face of fear, and put on the whole Armor of God.

Resources

AWBC Law. (2024). Intestacy: The question of inheritance [Image of family drawing]. Retrieved from https://www.awbclaw.co.uk/intestacy-the-question-of-inheritance/

Conner, B. (2025). The invisible enemy: Why do I need the truth? [Video]. YouTube. https://youtu.be/adQnfrYbSQ0