"Show the readers everything, tell them nothing."
Ernest Hemingway
My mom taught me to read when I was three, and I have loved to read ever since. (Thanks, Momma!) I am now a certified reading specialist and a bibliophile, which means a person who collects books and has a great love of reading and stories. Now my husband would call a bibliophile a nerdy hoarder. He bought me a book bag once that said, "When I have money, I buy books; if I have any left, I buy coffee and food." It really does describe me. So, here is my confession: "Hi, I am Allie, and I am addicted to stories."
My absolute favorite gift is a Barnes & Noble gift card or one to a local bookstore. I love the adventure that awaits when I get to go to the bookstore without having to use my family budget to figure out if I want to eat this week or not (Totally kidding...ish). Abraham Lincoln said, "A new book is a best friend you have not met yet." I love receiving gift cards for stories because they bring me joy whenever I get to go on an unrushed trip to find a new friend. I still love the people and characters I have fallen for, cried alongside, or shared life with in stories throughout my lifetime.
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| Actual evidence caught reading in Barnes & Noble in the children's section |
When I go into a bookstore, I feel the world fall away, and I am at the center of all the stories and words that have been unleashed and breathed into existence from a writer's imagination and creative genius. I don't just go to purchase a book. I wander joyfully through the store, an experience filled with optimism, hope, and excitement. I seek out books that sound interesting and explore genres I wouldn't usually read, because I have discovered some of my greatest new friends in unexpected places. My favorite section of any bookstore is the children's books. You can always find me in some corner reading a huge pile of children's books, laughing and crying, and connecting with the characters. In fact, I was once laughing out loud so hard over a kids' book called, It's a Book by Lane Smith that the owner of the little shop gave me a 50% discount on the book because I brought her joy watching me read it (Yes, I was an adult in my thirties).
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Stories also connect us, intrigue us, teach us, and guide us. Anecdotes give us opportunities to learn lessons and seek wisdom about the world. Stories also help us tear down barriers that keep us from knowing one another and learning about who we are in Christ. Jesus knew how powerful stories can be to teach, share life, and provide context and meaning; thus, he used parables all throughout his earthly ministry. Stories are part of who we are, and each chapter of our lives reveals something else about who we are in Christ.
Stories can be a powerful means of escape and a way to connect to those around you as well. Some of my fondest memories from childhood are when my mom and dad would tuck my sister and me in to read us a bedtime story. They would wrap us up, and my dad would tell us tales with voices, as he was great at inflection and creating characters that came alive. He was a wonderful storyteller, and I loved to listen to his voice in the stories. My mom would lower her voice almost to a whisper and take us to far-off lands filled with promise and magic. I remember the feeling of safety in their two very different styles. One is so energetic and filled with crazy characters, and one is soft, gentle, and calming. Both styles were blessings, bringing the stories to life in different ways.
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| Written for Evie by me and illustrated by my brother, Eric |
Bedtime stories were something I carried into my own children's lives. Even in utero, they were read to daily. Fun fact: Babies who are read to in utero are born with 32,000 more neurons already connected in their brains. From the day my kids were born, I loved cuddling them and curling up with each of them every night to share a story. Sometimes we created a wild story together, or I told stories from memory, or invented one right there. Other times, we had an actual book and went on a printed adventure. I have written children's books for each of my kids and grandbaby and even published one, Peachy Penelope, to help our middle daughter, Evelyn, learn to count. Whether published or oral adventures, those stories stopped time, the world disappeared, and we were on a journey together, and that was what mattered.
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| Our youngest is taking her first turn, reading The Night Before Christmas as a family. |
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| Some of my absolute favorite moments were spent as a family reading together. |
We were built for community, and part of that relationship-building journey is being vulnerable, sharing life, and stories with one another. If you read the Four Gospels in the Bible, you learn that Jesus hand-picked twelve men to be his disciples. He developed trusting, vulnerable relationships with each of them separately and together. He created a community to model life after. He prayed with each of them, shared meals together, traveled, and told stories together. To become more like Jesus, we are to live as a model of who He was and is. We are to create a community and share life together. Part of that life together should be shared with stories about our adventures and pain. We were meant to draw closer to Jesus by loving his people well. We were not meant to be alone, as loneliness is a tool of the enemy to kill hope, steal joy, and destroy your life. Jesus used stories to kill fear and shame, steal hearts and minds for community, and eliminate loneliness. Jesus did not do life alone, and neither should we. 1 John 1:7 says, 'But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin.' As we become more like Christ through sanctification, our need for community increases."
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| My Bible, the greatest book of all time, was captured after another year of reading and living. |
During this cancer journey, I have learned the worst feeling in the world is not living through a cancer diagnosis, it is feeling like you are alone in it. The thoughts and feelings you have in your mind are so hard to bear, but they are cumbersome and defeating when you feel like no one around you can truly understand and empathize. This is why we have to share our stories, just as Jesus shared with His followers and crowds who wanted to be near Him. People can relate to one another when they know your story and see the God Winks in it, too.
I have learned that shared oral stories from other women have been life-giving, sustaining, and eye-opening. I have been gifted books by survivors of other survivors telling their story, and I have prayed with women who, like me, were found in the world of breast cancer years before menopause, further complicating the recovery, increasing the aggressive nature of the disease, requiring more surgery and treatments, and lowering survival rates. I have connected with women whom I have yet to meet in person, who have gifted me with the beautiful, complicated, and heart-wrenching tales of their own struggle. In each of these new stories, aka friends, I have found hope and freedom from fear. More than that, I have found community and connection in a shared sisterhood of joy mixed with grief.
The shared stories have gifted me with the knowledge that the feelings of anger, frustration in the waiting, fear in the length of time it takes to get results to tests for treatment, and angst over causing pain to my family are normal. I have learned that the tears are not something to hide but to be shared with the people around you. You do not have to carry this burden alone to shield your loved ones because they were placed in your life to sustain you, encourage you, grieve with you, and to be part of the story you will each get to tell. I have come to realize that sharing your story can actually lift a weight from your shoulders that you didn't even know you were carrying. I recognize the stories of survivors or those who lost their battle but leave loved ones to carry on their legacy are powerful, liberating, encouraging, and guiding.
I made a new friend this week, through my husband's work, who has had this journey as well. She shared her story, and as she talked, I felt my heart grieve for her and her littles. I felt my soul connect and my thoughts journey with her through the fear, the pain, the surgeries, the uncertainty, and the early days of the diagnosis. I cringed when she spoke of the gut-wrenching pain of waiting for removal surgery. She had to wait 5 weeks, whereas mine was 10 weeks from detection to removal. So, I found myself holding her hand and heart during those 5 weeks of fear. Her story was similar in that our care teams believed it was caught before it spread, only to learn from pathology that by the time surgery was scheduled, it had spread, and the treatment we both dread was required. I sensed a freeing of emotion from her heart to my own, and in the sharing of our journey, we were able to connect and see God's work in others. Her story is her own, but our journey in this world unites us in a way we could never wish for, and I will forever be grateful for it. She was given hope by another woman who shared her journey during the early stages of her diagnosis, and I realized she was doing the same thing for me. Now, I get to pay it forward one day too.
I suppose I am doing a little of that in the journaling and blogging I have done since the start of the process in April. However, I have also found in this journey that I need to write a book. Even if no one ever reads it or I never publish it, I want to share my story in written form. So, in the past few weeks, I have started to let the stories of this life erupt from my soul as the divine urge to write comes, and I let the creative juices flow across the page. Of course, the writing comes in the lucid moments in the mornings between medications, the fear before and after appointments. I am up to 35,000 words, with a few chapters written and 18 chapters outlined. I will be sharing snippets of my story on this blog as I find them fitting, and I hope to do a better job of sharing my journey, so that maybe I can provide someone else with the hope they need to see Jesus amid their situation. Whether it's a cancer diagnosis or treatment, a break-up, a loss of a loved one, a complex living situation, a lost job, a struggle with finances, or whatever life challenge is thrown at us.
I have loved ones who do not want to share their pain of whatever they are going through because it seems like mine is worse. We worry that our troubles are not as bad as someone else's, so we should not share them out of fear of burdening someone who is struggling too. Believe me, I have felt that same feeling. When someone shares their story and they talk about going through these treatments with little children at home, I feel guilty. I thought I shouldn't complain or share my worries because my kids are grown. However, my adult kids need me and want me in their lives just in a different way, and as much as I need my parents in mine. I may not have triple negative results, which is the worst kind of breast cancer, but that does not make my disease any less scary to me and my loved ones. Therefore, I caution you to stop with that line of thinking. Jesus meant for our challenges to be shared, not compared. He taught us that we are all living with struggle and have our own crosses to bear. Still, together we can encourage, help shoulder the burden, and allow His lighter Yoke to be placed around hearts and necks instead of the belief that we are alone in our strife.
I also have learned that it is okay to talk about death and dying and not be afraid to say what everyone is already thinking and fearing. Am I scared of death? Absolutely not. I am filled with an overwhelming sense of love and excitement as I think about what it will be like to meet Jesus. However, I am brought to my knees in despair when I think of leaving my family to grieve me. Yet, I know the stories that we tell will outlive us and are essential, carrying weight that matters.
So, share your story. Tell others how you found Jesus, gift the people around you with details about your day, call me and unleash your frustration over your failed relationship, your struggle with addiction, the pain of your stubbed toe, your hurting heart for a wayward child, or your own cancer diagnosis. I welcome them all and will walk with you in them, just as many wonderful humans are walking with me as part of my story.
Jesus built us for connection and community. Do not stifle that community; go out and share your story.
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| I'm absolutely in love with a painting at a store in Alaska, and I may have to commission someone to create one for my own (hopefully) library someday. |
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