Self-Reliance is God Defiance

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 One of my favorite essays is Self-Reliance by Ralph Waldo Emerson. I used to have students in my high school English classes explicate it the first few weeks of the course. The purpose was to get them to recognize their own ability to think, express themselves and a need to be who they were created to be in class. I wanted each of my students to recognize the power within and freely bring their unique perspectives into the discussion. In fact, my only rule of the classroom was to "Be Yourself." 

However, as I sat in service at ACF Church, self-reliance took on a new meaning. We discussed Exodus; specifically, the chapters focused around Pharaoh's hardened heart, and it became clear how self-reliant I have become. I used to think this was such an essential characteristic for a military wife, mother, and woman. In fact, I was told once by a powerful woman in my life, "Never depend on anyone or anything. You must be willing to fight for yourself and never lean on anyone else." I did not recognize the defiance in this logic, but I struggle most when feeling dependent on others and on God if I am honest. 

Sketchnotes of Sermon

When Pastor Brian asked, "Where are you like Pharoah in your life?" I recognized the tension I needed to lean into.  Pharoah was self-reliant and defiant to God's words. His heart was hardened through ten plagues that ravaged and broke the spirit of his people. I have read the Bible every year for quite a few years, and I always saw myself as one of the enslaved Israelites. Yet, today I recognized that I have been Pharoah in a lot of ways throughout my journey. My heart has been hardened. I have turned inward as I try to navigate the storms of this life without seeking the guidance or support of God. When I face something challenging, my first instinct is to draw inward, put my head down, and focus on getting through the mire. I become focused on self-reliance which is really God Defiance.

There is a difference between relying on your own strength to overcome and trusting faithfully upon God's power to shape and grow you through the challenging things in this life. I do not give my heart entirely over to Him if I become self-reliant in times of struggle. I do not allow Him to use my pain or my difficulty to show others how God can use it for His good. I want to be viewed as strong, self-reliant, and independent as a thinker, doer, and believer. Yet, this defiance of God's deliverance is only showing the world who I think I have to be and not who He is developing me to be.

So, this week my prayer life is going to change. I will be bold enough to ask God to show me where I am self-reliant instead of God Dependent. Then I will lean in, ask God to soften my heart and to help me recognize how He wants to use my dependence on Him to set me free. 

Share your own Pharoah Tendencies in the comments, and let us be praying for one another to become Less Self-Reliant and More God Dependent. 


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