Inside the Mind of a Jesus Follower

The radiation oncologist entered our room in a medical halo, looking very uncomfortable and much like an image of Frankenstein. He was healing after suffering an injury to his neck in a swimming pool two weeks ago. "How are you doing?" he asked with genuine care and concern.  "Well, obviously, better than you at this point," I replied as I internally scolded myself for complaining about the rough nights sleeping in a recliner the past 6 weeks.  He smiled and said, "Yeah, maybe so." Then we got down to business. He reminded me that before surgery, we had discussed the possibility of doing radiation. He had laid out some clear signs that it would be necessary.  Buella (the cancer) had spread to the nodes (CHECK)  Tumor is greater than 2 cm (CHECK) There are cancer cells in the Lymphovascular system (CHECK) There are unclean or close margins from tumor edges to chest wall (<1 mm CHECK) You are premenopausal (CHECK) Each component increases the odds of lo...

VLOG Update: "Show the readers everything, tell them nothing." Ernest Hemingway   My mom taught me to read when I was three, and I have loved to read ever since. (Thanks, Momma!) I am now a certified reading specialist and a bibliophile, which means a person who collects books and has a great love of reading and stories. Now my husband would call a bibliophile a nerdy hoarder. He bought me a book bag once that said, "When I have money, I buy books; if I have any left, I buy coffee and food." It really does describe me. So, here is my confession: "Hi, I am Allie, and I am addicted to stories." My absolute favorite gift is a Barnes & Noble gift card or one to a local bookstore. I love the adventure that awaits when I get to go to the bookstore without having to use my family budget to figure out if I want to eat this week or not (Totally kidding...ish). Abraham Lincoln said, "A new book is a best friend you have not met yet." I love receiving...

The past few days have been challenging and emotionally overwhelming, to be honest. I’ve found myself brought to my knees more than once. Learning that the cancer has spread has been a tough pill to swallow. And as if that wasn’t enough, today, a friend in Alaska lost her battle with breast cancer. That news hit me hard, in more ways than one. Her death not only confronted me with my own mortality, but also brought deep sorrow as I thought of her children. I can still picture their sweet little faces, full of energy and spunk, and now filled with tears at the loss of their mama. It breaks my heart. I feel guilty that I wasn't there to hold her hand or hug those little ones. Yet, at the same time, I’m overwhelmed with joy knowing that my sister is home with Jesus. She is no longer in pain, cancer-free, and is saving a table for all of us with heavenly margaritas.  The sisterhood was with her the whole way in this journey, though. A group of women I was blessed to be a part of when w...

Buella was entirely removed along with five lymph nodes and all the breast tissue they could remove on both sides. The tissues and tumor were sent for pathological testing. The report came back and was not what we hoped for.  Buella has spread to the lymphovascular system, lymph nodes, and tissue around the nodes. Buella was also less than 1 mm away from the chest wall, so cancer cells are likely in the chest wall too. The tumor grade was thought to be a Grade 1 before surgery (not aggressive), and has now been determined to be a Grade 3 (most aggressive and has the highest recurrence rate).  The news was hard to receive as I was praying for it to be all contained in the single tumor, and that would mean just surgeries and careful watching for a bit. However, this is not the story of my journey. I will need radiation, and we are waiting for the Oncotype test to come back to determine the need and type of chemotherapy. This will take 4 weeks, and we cannot start any treatment u...

  As I lie here in my recliner, which Lilyan and Gavin coordinated to have at home before I was released from the hospital, I am moved by emotion. I am wrapped in my blankets and ice machine healing cocoon, while I wait for the pain meds to kick in so I can sleep a few more hours.     I have a lot of pain and nausea and I feel absolutely helpless. I don't feel well most of the time and have developed a rash around my chest and stomach. My arms can't extend very far without pain so I am like T-Rex unable to scratch an itch, reach for a cup of water or brush my hair.   My boobie grenades (aka drains that look like transparent grenades) are not only gross and annoying but also painful. I am appreciative of an amazing husband who is capable of managing the drains and tells me silly jokes or performs goofy dances to distract me from it all. Sidenote, I am also grateful for sutures that do their job but protip do not drop the boobie grenades, son of a biscuit eater it stin...

  Well, I couldn’t convince Gavin to go to the Amalfi Coast, so Buella has been evicted. I am very sore and struggling to take the pain medication because it causes me to dry heave. You don’t realize how much you use your chest and chest wall until it has had some trauma.   However, we have been in great hands. The medical professionals have been amazing and very accommodating. They are all so compassionate and kind.  Gavin has been caring for me so well. He loves and serves me in the normal day to day, and I fall in love with him deeper everyday. As a trained Air Force medic he knows what to do to help alleviate pain with positioning, helping me walk to and from the restroom, to rubbing my hands and feet. He truly is amazing and I am so in love with him. I know he’s exhausted from sleeping on the chair with interruptions every time he drifts off from the nursing staff coming in for vital checks, or to help me getting readjusted in bed. I couldn’t have a better partner in...