As I sit here writing an update, tears of full praise and joy spill down my cheeks. Blessed is the only word I can use to describe the beautiful life I am humbled to live on this Earth. So many moments of grace and love reminded me how many people are walking alongside us in prayer and hope.
At the beginning of the week, I was still weak but able to get up and move without dry heaving. The first thing I did was buy orange juice and drive to the beach. I sat for hours, letting the waves lap against the sand, the sun warm my skin, and the breeze calm my heart. While I was there, one of the sisters in Christ I am blessed to love called. I vented, cried, and laughed as I sat in the sand drinking my juice. We both had a good laugh when I realized my coveted orange juice had expired by 20 days. Usually, I would have just drunk it, but with chemo, you can't fight bacteria, so begrudgingly, I tossed my golden nectar into the trash.
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| Phew, this one is NOT expired. |
Later, Gavin found me on the beach, and we had a good talk about how I was feeling and what I needed in the coming chemotherapy journey. We decided that when my voice or body isn't strong enough to praise, we'll play worship music, allowing the music, the groaning of my spirit, and the prayers of so many people to rise to the Great Physician. (I read every single prayer you all wrote on Gavin's Facebook and my blog.) That conversation carried me through the week.
The time spent in prayer with Jesus and digging into the Word was life-giving, gave me a few more book chapter ideas, and God spoke to my very soul. Psalm 18 was the first reading I started with this week, and it was exactly what I needed. It told me I am seen, I am heard, and I am loved. I know I am not alone in this crazy, wonderful life. Even when my heart hurts, my body aches, I'm sick and writhing on the floor, and I feel like I can't go on, I will still praise Him. Absolute joy comes from knowing Jesus and from the excellent relationships with people He has placed in my path. I know I am wrapped in your prayers, and even more tightly, in the arms of the Lord.
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| These were words I needed to hear this week. (Tears and different colors show it has resonated many times over the years) |
Throughout the week, I discovered that certain smells were unbearable, and I developed a craving for specific foods only. What I've been calling the "Toddler Diet" carried me, which consists of plain noodles, apple slices, and orange juice (non-expired this time). Gavin was so sweet, cooking or chopping whatever I asked for, and never complaining when I asked him to move the meals I'd prepped weeks ago for him and Lily into the crockpot outside because I couldn't tolerate the smell.
My weekly doctor check-in went well. She hugged me with pure joy, relieved I had tolerated the new drugs. She admitted she had been nervous because of my prior reactions and sensitivity to medications. She gave me a sample of a new medicine for nausea, and I met with the dietitian and nurse. Even though I'd only lost a pound, they reminded me how important it is to maintain my weight during treatment. Chemotherapy dosage is calculated based on body surface area, and changes in weight can alter how the body metabolizes the drugs. That can increase side effects, weaken the energy needed to repair healthy cells, and make fighting cancer harder. Muscle loss, especially when it worsens fatigue and lowers stamina, can hinder the ability to continue treatment. So, I need to add more protein to my "Toddler Diet." By the end of the week, chicken nuggets (which I hilariously called "fartburgers"—a name that may stick forever, thanks to chemo brain), grilled chicken legs, and an egg made the toddler-approved list.
Over the weekend, I enjoyed spending time with my family, walking 2-4 miles a day with my grandson again, and welcoming two dear friends who had been our neighbors in Alaska from 2006 to 2008. Military life gives us these beautiful bonds: friends who become a fast family because you only have each other. No matter where we move, we can always count on each other. This couple is no different; they are forever family. My sweet visiting sister and friend, who is also a professional hairdresser among many other talents, gave me a haircut to help ease my hair loss with a little more grace (and style). We laughed and caught up on each other's lives. It was a great weekend of sunshine, eating again, and feeling loved.
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| Thank you, my sister! |
Each day this week, two or three people reached out, praying with me, sending prayers of healing, or sharing about the books they mailed me to read. Some of the prayers came in the middle of me praying, and it was the answer I was seeking or highlighted what I needed in that moment. I was overwhelmed with joy and love. As I enter this next week and begin the 2nd dose of 16 of the new chemo regimen, I feel more centered and loved than at any point in this journey.
I have a better plan for the next round on Thursday, and am covered in praise and prayers. Jesus is so real and so present that it is emotionally overwhelming. Thank you to all my followers, faithful friends, and loving family for lifting me up, interceding on my behalf, and being part of my story. I am humbled, grateful, and blessed.
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| A little style and grace to begin the week |
P.S. Check the date on your orange juice!
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