I Let Go

The past year I learned to let go. 

 I let go of the things that numbed me and focused on things of goodness. I removed sugar, grain, and alcohol from my life. I resolved to enjoy foods and fuel myself with goodness. 

 I let go of reading scripture as a checklist. I read the Bible in chronological order in nine months. I fell deeper in love with Jesus, learned more about the fear of God as worship, and let go of the routines I had clung to for a false sense of safety. I realized I had stopped putting effort into my relationship with God, merely going through the motions of what I thought it meant to follow Jesus. 

 I let go of comparison and false connection by deleting social media. This single decision brought incredible freedom, giving me more time for creative thinking and meaningful interactions with those I love. 

 I let go of chasing paychecks and cut my work commitments down from four to just two and then to one role. I embraced the feeling of boredom and learned to say no to things that, while good, were not the right things for me. 

 I let go of the doubt monkeys and wrote a 150-page dissertation, which was more challenging than any learning experience of my life. I am still waiting on revision feedback from my committee, but by the grace of God I will be named Dr. Alecia M. Gardner in 2025. 

 I let go of planning. I moved across the country multiple times, paid for a house in cash, and experienced 100% debt-free living for the first time. Yet, I learned that even without a mortgage, the state of my soul remained unchanged. Although, the grass felt different under my toes, I recognized it does not matter if there aren’t feet of loved ones to run through it with you. 

 I let go of our retirement plan and encouraged my husband to pursue a role that uses his gifts and talents, even though it terrified me and led to another major life change. He was promoted to the Commander of the 176th MXS and I have loved seeing his spirit invigorated as he serves and loves people well. 

I let go of my definition of fitness. I found solace in the trill of water beneath my paddle, the sun on my skin, and quiet moments of “front porch sittin’.” I walked more than I ran and stopped being angry about it.

 I let go of hiding my emotions. I grieved deeply on my knees, called out to Jesus in desperation, and experienced loss and mortality like never before. 

 I let go of being too busy for my most important relationships. I rekindled my marriage, dating my spouse for the first time in years. I listened more and asked others thoughtful questions. I stood by with a compassionate ear as others celebrated new life or fell apart with tremendous loss. I spoke grace and truth to others as well as to myself.  

I let go and loved, learned, and I leaned into obedience without letting fear steal the joy in the unknown. In 2025, I will continue to be obedient and let go and let God make all the plans.