God Winks: Finding Buella (Cancer)

2025 has been a transformative year for our family, marked by health challenges, faith, and divine moments I call "God winks"—those undeniable signs of God's love, plan, and provision. These moments, woven together, led to the discovery of "Buella," a breast cancer diagnosis that could have gone unnoticed without God's guidance. Here's our story —a testament to His presence, even in the unseen parts of our lives.

  In October, Gavin moved back to Alaska as he was asked to take Command, and Lilyan and I stayed to complete the school year. We are used to separations with the military, but we both dislike this part of the life we have embraced for over 20 years. However, praise God for technology as we were able to Facetime and connect every night. Due to the time difference, he would call as he was heading home for the night and I was getting ready to go to sleep. It was manageable, even if it was challenging to be apart.

In December, I lost a friend and co-worker to a sudden heart attack at age 41, and I was reeling from the brush with mortality and struggling with being separated from the one person who has had my heart for almost 30 years. Three days later, Gavin called me on his nightly check-in after work. Only this time, it was not an everyday conversation; instead, he was headed from base to the hospital in the back of an ambulance. Hours after PT, his heart raced uncontrollably, refused to calm down and would not return to a normal rhythm. All I could do was listen through the phone as paramedics rushed the love of my life to the ER, delivering shots to restore his heart's rhythm and even declaring they may need to defibrillate him. This crisis prompted me to leave my full-time teaching job in Mississippi earlier than planned, abandoning our original timeline of moving at the end of the school year. By Christmas, I was in Alaska, caring for Gavin and prioritizing his health over my career. Little did I know this terrifying experience was one of the God Winks we were blessed with this year. 

We wound up in a surgical suite in February to correct AFib and aflutter. As I paced the halls during his 4-hour surgery, I prayed fervently for God to move in the surgeon's hands to heal and restore Gavin's body to full health. This moment of crisis set the stage for an unexpected encounter and another God wink that would change my life.  As I was wandering with only one goal in mind—to relieve the adrenaline shakes— I ran into a sweet friend I had not seen in quite a while. We were both surprised to see one another and very quickly reconnected about why we were each standing in the place you only go if you have medical needs. She shared she had just learned she had ovarian cancer and was getting everything for the surgery she had ahead of her. We talked, prayed, and hugged, then returned to our tasks at hand. 

My prayers drifted to my friend and seeking God's blessing for her, as she is not much older than I, with three boys and a spouse who needs and loves her dearly. I focused on the prayers for complete healing and restoration over her entire body, and my mind drifted to how fragile life is. It was then that I realized I had not been in for a mammogram, nor had I even thought about it for years. I have never seen a women's health doctor in the past decade, as I have been so busy. Minus a hip surgery in 2023, due to a poorly executed jump snap kick and years of excessive running, I was healthy. I had not had a mammogram since a scare that turned up a benign mass back in August 2020. God winked again.

It was not that I had avoided mammograms, but rather that I had not even considered routine care. I have been working on a doctorate, homeschooling my children, raising three kids through the transition to adulthood, navigating TDYs and deployments, and multiple cross-country moves. I have held at least three jobs for many years, including running a side hustle as a Professional Learning and Leadership Consultant, teaching homeschool and public education courses, and serving in ministry roles. I never even thought about or considered getting a health screening. Additionally, I had not noticed any changes; I felt healthy and strong, never smoked, rarely drank, and tended to eat very well. I decided that day to call and schedule a doctor's appointment so I could get a referral for a mammogram. It was because of this interaction with a beautiful friend and fellow sister in Christ, I even had a mammogram in the first place.

Insert another God wink, as for the first time since my 6th-grade year in elementary school, I did not have a regular job or schedule that was pressing or distracting me from making the appointment. Therefore, I was able to secure an appointment a month later to get a referral for an appointment for the mammogram a month after that, and a women's appointment within two months. 

Life moved forward, marked by moments of joy and progress. By March, Gavin was healing, supported by medication. I completed my doctorate, becoming Dr. Alecia M. Gardner, and underwent a five-interview process for a contracted role supporting educators. We celebrated our 23rd wedding anniversary, 29 years since our first kiss, and my academic milestone with a vacation to our Mississippi home. We also took our daughter, Lily, to prom with her childhood best friend and then returned to Alaska just before my mammogram.

April 21 was the day Buella was caught red-handed trying to suck the life from me all in the quiet and darkness. A week later, I had to go in for a more in-depth mammogram and an ultrasound, and it was confirmed I had a Bi-Rads5, which means the mass has a 95% chance of being malignant. This was the start to determine if she was cancerous, and led to the journey we are on today. 

God's winks are those moments when His love, plan, and provision are so incredible you cannot help but see them. My advice is not to ignore these winks, or you may miss out on the blessings that come from seeing God move in real, tangible ways. I love God's winks and write them down when I capture them because there are days you feel like you cannot go on or that you are alone. These are the days to lean on those God winks and recognize He is right there in the middle of whatever you are facing. Buella, my breast cancer, has been one of the greatest God Winks of my lifetime so far. I know it may seem weird that I could say such a thing. Yet, I know all those little winks along the way are the only reasons we found Buella before she made me truly sick. Here are the winks I recognized in this journey, each a reason to praise God.

• Praise God for His endless mercy and love, guiding every step of this journey.
• Praise God for Gavin getting called into Command, which brought us back to Alaska.
• Praise God for allowing us to be separated for a short time and for helping us refocus on our priorities.
• Praise God for an administrative team who cares about their people and released me from my teaching contract without penalty, freeing me to care for Gavin.
• Praise God, I was able to be by my best friend's side during his health journey and focus solely on him.
• Praise God for Gavin having A-Fib and aflutter, a health scare that set everything in motion.
• Praise God for the A-Fib being bad enough to require surgery, leading me to the hospital that fateful day.
• Praise God for a skilled surgeon who can correct this issue and restore Gavin's health.
• Praise God for medications that are keeping it under control, giving him time to heal.
• Praise God for friends who are vulnerable enough to share their own journey, like my sister in Christ with ovarian cancer.
• Praise God for said friend having an appointment on the same day as Gavin's heart surgery, aligning our paths.
• Praise God that I had to move when I was nervous and was pacing the hospital right when she walked in the front doors, leading to our divine encounter.
• Praise God for the power of prayer and modern medicine, as my friend is now cancer-free with no need for chemo or radiation.
• Praise God that I recognized a stirring to seek medical testing prompted by her story.
• Praise God I had no job to compete with my need to seek said medical testing, giving me the freedom to act.
• Praise God we did not sell or rent our home in Mississippi. 
• Praise God for a home we could return to when the care in Alaska was backlogged by months
• Praise God, we found a comprehensive healthcare team in the place where we still owned a home to care for the cancer quickly (Months before the care I would have received in Alaska).
• Praise God for bosses who have adjusted their expectations and allowed us to work remotely as we navigate the next steps.
• Praise God for technology and all the people trained to spot death divas like Buella.
• Praise God for catching Buella in the earlier stages of the disease before she could make me truly sick.
• Praise God for new friends who are survivors or current warriors of breast cancer, who provide insights only they can get me through the fears and waiting. 
• Praise God for our family and friends all over the world who are praying for us.
• Praise God for all the blessings I didn't even notice and for loving us all to give us each of those blessings.

May we all be more attuned and aware of His winks as we traverse this life. He is always present, always loving, always on our side, and He is winking in mighty ways today.