Inside the Mind of an Educator

This last week, I have tried to wrap my mind, body, and soul around the idea that I have a disease that has progressed enough that I need chemotherapy treatment. I have struggled with the fears and the frustration that toxic chemicals will be pumped into my body. The hope is that this aggressive approach will destroy any of the cancer cells that are lurking and searching for a place to plant the seed of death. I'm grappling with the decision to do it or not. Do I proceed with the treatment, as it offers only a 2–3% chance of preventing metastasis or recurrence, while carrying risks like a chance of causing another type of cancer, permanent hair loss, numbness and tingling in the hands and feet, and potentially being fatal? Yet, the oncologist stated it is the best chance to eradicate the cancer before it spreads to other parts of my body, where it would become treatable but incurable. Of course, it is not a guarantee that it will make a difference, as it could come back anyway. Dur...

The radiation oncologist entered our room in a medical halo, looking very uncomfortable and much like an image of Frankenstein. He was healing after suffering an injury to his neck in a swimming pool two weeks ago. "How are you doing?" he asked with genuine care and concern.  "Well, obviously, better than you at this point," I replied as I internally scolded myself for complaining about the rough nights sleeping in a recliner the past 6 weeks.  He smiled and said, "Yeah, maybe so." Then we got down to business. He reminded me that before surgery, we had discussed the possibility of doing radiation. He had laid out some clear signs that it would be necessary.  Buella (the cancer) had spread to the nodes (CHECK)  Tumor is greater than 2 cm (CHECK) There are cancer cells in the Lymphovascular system (CHECK) There are unclean or close margins from tumor edges to chest wall (<1 mm CHECK) You are premenopausal (CHECK) Each component increases the odds of lo...