Inside the Mind of an Educator

"I WANT MY LIFE BACK!" I have cried out these words many times from the depths of my being throughout this disease. Each setback pushes the finish line farther away—the day when doctors' visits, poking needles, toxic drugs, and painful surgeries are finally behind me. Cancer doesn't just destroy cells and organs; it invades every part of your life and spills into the lives of those who love you most. This week, that truth tore out of me in sheer exhaustion. We went in for my first radiation appointment. It was supposed to include the creation of a mold to hold my body still, three tattoos (which we'll call "party dots"), and a scan to map out my radiation dosage and treatment plan. But instead of moving forward, we hit another snag—another delay in the care plan. The tissue expander (aka torture device) on the left side was blocking one of the beam angles needed to target the right-side cancer cells. Because of this, the radiation oncologist explained th...

Today is one full of emotions as we navigate the next steps in cancer care. We went in for my weekly chemotherapy appointment today and chatted with my fellow pink sisters in the waiting room. It is amazing how connected you become when you are trudging through the same dark valley and realize those sweet shared stories are the light that keeps you going some days. When I was called back, one of my phenomenal nurses, Jenny, accessed my port and shared the good news of her recent engagement and Christmas plans. My other nurse, Lucy, came over to say hi and see how I was doing. These two women are truly some of the most amazing humans I have ever met. They serve in a tough area of care and never make you feel like they have been hardened. Their compassion, expertise, and skill in caring for their patients clearly show the love of Jesus in one of the seemingly most bleak areas of healthcare. No one wants to be there, but I appreciated that each week I would get to see these two beautiful ...

       Having an attitude of gratitude has always been in my nature, but a cancer diagnosis has a way of intensifying a thankful heart. As many are preparing for Thanksgiving, shopping for the traditional dish ingredients, and making travel plans, my family and I are focused on living for today. I will soon begin the new chemotherapy regimen, Pacitaxel. The drug is the cousin to the first round of chemotherapy I started in August, which caused a rare and very painful allergic reaction.       My oncologist (GOD BLESS THIS WOMAN!) is not confident I will make it through this one without a Trigeminal Nerve response; however, she wants to try it because it gives me the best odds of survival. She wants to complete 12 weekly rounds. Yet, she cannot promise I will not have a neuropathy reaction that could cause permanent painful damage, so she is monitoring me closely and dosing me with a lot of premedications to ensure we take every precaution we can....

  As our children were growing up, we had dinner around the table every single night. Whether it was the actual table at home, a picnic blanket at a ballfield, or the tailgate as we traveled across the country, our kids knew there was no skipping a meal with all the faces around the table. It was imperative to raise kids who knew how to put away the rest of the world, eat with manners, and talk about their lives. We shared many laughs, debates, fears, hopes, dreams, and tears in that space. We took turns every night praying because we wanted our kids to know how to have a conversation with Jesus and to give thanks. We believed that families who eat together stay together because they can be real, learn to be vulnerable, share, and be part of a unit that cares for one another. We welcomed others to the table often and hope we modeled the importance of that time together. Table time has been one of the greatest blessings in our lives, and I still love having people gathered around a ...